


The Way

by 17daysgreys



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9491852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17daysgreys/pseuds/17daysgreys
Summary: A Japril fic, where the plane crash still happened, Mark and Lexie survived, and things at Seattle Grace seem to be running as usual. However, that is not the case, when Jackson Avery returns and reeks havoc on April Kepner's world once again. What will happen when these two best friends, turned lovers, turned who knows what see each other again? Will SGMW be the same?





	1. Chapter 1

Seattle’s world renowned rain hadn’t let up in days and April Kepner was starting to get slightly frustrated at the new found fizziness of her red hair. She gripped the cup of steaming hot coffee and was prepared to lead her interns through rounds. She couldn’t believe that just a few short weeks ago she was a virgin, worried about her surgical boards, and today she was a board certified woman who had ridden the carnival a time or two with the absolute best ride. April kept her and Jackson’s time in San Francisco to herself, half expecting not to ever discuss it because he was going to Tulane and also because she could not fathom the ridiculous comments Cristina or Alex would make. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized Cristina was still visiting Mayo, which wouldn’t last too long, since she and Meredith were bound at the hip.  
“Dr. Kepner?” She thought she heard one of her new interns say, but the voice was oddly familiar, it almost sounded safe.  
“Yes. Rounds are in fifteen minutes, don’t be late,” she snapped back, determined not to be the dud of the attendings.  
“I don’t think a board certified plastic surgeon has to do rounds, but if you insist.” Jackson Avery said with his typical Avery sparkle.  
“What are you doing here,” the words got caught in her throat, “I thought you went to Tulane?” She said, pulling the ipad closer to her chest as to cover her body; the body that he had seen, so vulnerable, so giving, but a body that he did not want. She shuddered at the thought of having sex with him, it was amazing, exhilarating sex, but now things were different and she and her best friend couldn’t go back. What was the thing that Meredith’s mother always said, “the carousel never stops turning.” Well if that wasn’t the truth?  
“Mark practically begged me to come back and I didn’t have anything keeping me in New Orleans, not like I do here.” His voice was calm and sweet, and if she hadn’t been staring at her i-pad preparing for her rounds she would have heard the slight elevation in tone implying that he had come back for her. He cocked his head slightly and looked at her with his blue-green eyes, eyes of which she had become accustomed to, but now they seemed to be melting her soul. She could feel her palms getting sweaty and before he could do anything, she checked her watch and almost panicked.  
“It’s really great to see you Jackson, but I’m going to be late for my rounds. But I’d really like to talk and catch up.” Good that was good, she didn’t stutter, she didn’t act like a complete babbling idiot, she had done well, but something inside of her was dreading the lunch she had proposed. 

Jackson Avery had never been one to ask for anything. He was the grandson of Harper Avery, world-renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. His whole life he had been an Avery, no matter where he went or what he did, he was an Avery first. Not Jackson, the kid who liked basketball or the kid who enjoyed going out and riding bikes with his friends. No, he was the kid who sat in board meetings, the kid who heard his parents argue over the foundation until one day he never heard them fight again. He had been eight when his dad walked out on him and his mother, Catherine Avery, so old enough to remember the scumbag that left them, but too young to understand why he had left. He thought that going to Tulane would fix all his tension with April, he could see the way she was uncomfortable around him. How her body folded in on itself or how she refused to make any semblance of eye contact with him. However, something had come over his body when he held her sweet, naked body underneath those hotel bed sheets in San Francisco, he never realized how much he had wanted April Kepner, and now that he had gotten a taste he had to have more.  
But Jackson, left, he ran just like his father because he couldn’t be what April needed. He couldn’t be the “good man in a storm”. He knew he would treat her well; hypothetically, he was a gentlemen and an Avery after all. But he had never been in a serious relationship that he could see being “the relationship” the one to end the search. He never wanted to admit it to himself, but he had been in love with April Kepner from day one. She was unlike anyone he had ever met. She came from a small town in Ohio, grew up on a farm with three other sisters, definitely not the type of woman he typically went for. But something about her, her demeanor was kind she listened to everyone, even Karev. Maybe he was embarrassed to be liking Kepner, but hell he had seen her naked there was nothing to be embarrassed about. She could be a tad annoying at times, but it jut added to her charm, and it made him want her more. How could she have been so blind when they were talking at the nurse’s station earlier, how could she not know that he wanted her?  
He sat in the cafeteria waiting for her, he texted her letting her know he was here. He had just finished a surgery for Sloan this morning. Sloan had called him and begged him to come back to Seattle; even though he and Lexie had been discharged from the hospital after the plane crash they were still not ready for surgery. Jackson had left Seattle before he could hear the full extent of their injuries, but from what he heard through the grape vine, Lexie’s arm had been ripped clean off and they were able to reattach it, but there’s little function. She may never be able to be a surgeon again. The thought of not being able to perform surgery sent shivers down his spine, surgery was his life, his calling, hell it was in his DNA and to have that ripped from you in a blink of an eye would be heart wrenching.  
April saw Jackson sitting by himself in the cafeteria, wearing the dark navy blue scrubs. She had never seen him in them before, but it made her heart skip a beat. She had been going over it in her head, how she was going to tell him, she was a grown woman she could tell him how she felt. But knowing that she would have to look into those eyes, those beautifully charming sea green eyes, the thought made her want to vomit. But before she could run and relieve herself, an all to familiar smell came from behind her. There he was, standing so close to her she could feel his breath on her neck, he had definitely chewed gum before coming over to talk to her.  
“Going any where April?” The sound of her name left his lips with a softness that she had never heard coming from him.  
“Uh,” she mumbled turning around quickly so he would stop breathing on her neck, not that she wanted him to stop because it felt so good; it felt so amazing to have his body near hers like that again, “Nope. I was just looking for you. Do you still want to talk?” She responded cheerily.  
“Yes, I think I’d like that,” he said gesturing her to the nearest table. Cristina, Meredith, and Alex were also eating their lunches in the cafeteria. 

“So when did Jackson get back,” Meredith mentioned to Cristina.  
“I’m not sure, he didn’t come to the apartment, and I really wish he would do you guys understand how annoying it is to live with Kepner? Alone!” Alex chimed in.  
“Hush Alex, you know I told you that you could move into my house once Derek’s finished with the dream house.” Meredith responded  
“You know he’s never going to finish that.” Cristina said.  
“I know, but I like for him to think he can. It’s a good project for him, you know with his hand. And Lexie’s helping him decorate it. It’s good, the dream house is good for them.” Meredith’s mind flashed to the plane crash. It had been the most horrific day of her life, and she had survived drowning and a mass shooting. She vividly remembered shouting her husband’s name at the top of her lungs, when she finally found him almost passed out with a massive piece of the airplane going through his hand. They were lucky though, the plane crash could have killed all of them, but only the pilot Jerry died and Arizona had lost her leg, and for this Meredith was grateful.  
“Hey, earth to Mer. We still haven’t settled on what Virgin Mary and Jackson are talking about,” Alex said.  
“Alex. They’re friends, just leave it alone. He came back because of the plane crash, he thought Mark would be back to work by now.” Meredith responded, trying to get that horrible day out of her head.  
“No, he came back for Kepner,” Cristina proudly stated. And with that Meredith turned around and really looked at her two friends sitting a few tables away from them. Here was April Kepner, sitting with her red hair in a tasseled ponytail, her hazel eyes staring intently at Jackson holding onto every word he was saying. And there was Jackson, who seemed to be pouring his heart out and April, oh sweet April, couldn’t have been the wiser.  
“Oh my God,” the words fell out of Meredith’s mouth.  
“Oh my God what? What do you know?” Cristina could hardly contain her excitement. And a smirk came over Meredith’s face, the one that Cristina hated. She hated to not be the first, to not be the one who came up with the solution to their problem.  
“April Kepner has gone to the carnival,” Meredith slyly replied.  
“What is that even supposed to mean,” Alex asked stuffing another bite of his sandwich into his mouth. Cristina just looked at Mer, eyes wide open with surprise and glee. Her eyes met April’s, and she gave her a big thumbs up, slightly mocking her, but she was actually proud of Kepner. April shuddered with embarrassment, which only caused Cristina to laugh.  
“Why would you do that?” Meredith scolded Cristina. “She’s a virgin, wait was a virgin.”  
“What!” Alex had finally picked up on what was happening. “April Kepner isn’t a virgin, who did she sleep with?”  
“Take a look for yourself,” Meredith said.  
“And I thought I could go one month in this hospital without there being any drama, I really should have gone to John’s Hopkins,” he scoffed. 

Jackson looked at April, who had looked like she had just seen a ghost.  
“They know, how do they know?” she clearly was talking about Meredith, Cristina, and Alex. Jackson could have cared less if they knew, hell he wanted the world to know that he had slept with April Kepner. He felt proud of it. Their lunch had been going well up until this point, the topics of conversation kept to surgery. She asked him where he was staying, but that was about as personal as it got. Before he could muster up the courage to tell her how he felt, her pager went off.  
“Hey, this was great, I’m really glad we can be friends again and get past, you know, well you know everything,” her voice was rambling but he knew that she was uncomfortable so he let her go.  
“Yeah. Well, I’m going to be at Joe’s tonight, if you still want to catch up?”  
“I’d like that.” She quickly grabbed her white lab coat and ran out of the cafeteria, red hair blazing. 

He had been in the O.R. with Meredith Grey who had managed to keep her mouth shut during the entire surgery, but when they were scrubbing out, she smacked him over the head with a towel.  
“You defiled a virgin! April Kepner was a virgin.” She yelled.  
“Yes. But she’s also a grown woman,” he was annoyed that he even had to try and defend himself. April had come on to him, and just thinking about it made him excited.  
“Jackson,” Meredith’s voice suddenly became calm “I know she doesn’t see it, and maybe you don’t either. But I do. Cause you never think the last tome’s going to be the last time- you think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t. I’ve been where you are, I was in love with Derek and I let time slip by. I let him go, because I was too afraid to tell him what I wanted. Because I was the girl with daddy issues and a mother who couldn’t remember what decade she was in. You love April Kepner, tell her.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Jackson, Mark didn’t ask for you to come back.”  
“Meredith, yes he did.”  
“No, he didn’t. And I’m not going to get into this with you, why are you being so defensive. I’m trying to help you. Tell April how you feel. You do not know the regret of letting something amazing pass you by.”  
“I can’t,” his voice began to shake, “I can’t tell her because I’m not enough for her. I tried to today, I even thought I was going to tonight, but I can’t. Now that I really think about it. April deserves a man that is going to take her places, treat her like a queen, be her knight in shining armor. I’m not that man, I don’t know how to be that man.”  
“But you can learn,” Meredith’s words were reassuring, “April doesn’t need a knight in shining whatever, she just needs someone who cares about her, who respects her, and who she can trust. All that other garbage you two can work out. But if you don’t say anything, if you don’t let her know how you feel, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” 

He had decided; he was going to tell her tonight. He, Jackson Avery, was in love with April Kepner.


	2. The Way Chapter 2

Jackson had thought long and hard about Meredith’s words. He would have been a fool to let April Kepner go without giving it a fighting chance. His body was practically shaking as he held on to his glass of scotch, which he finished in a few gulps. Meredith and Alex were also at Joe’s, but they sat at a table watching from afar. Why were they even here, probably to make fun of him if he was left in the lurch?

He wasn’t accustomed to being this person; the person whose stomach is full of butterflies when they think about someone. He’s always been the one who’s being chased, not the chaser. Fear started to surge through him, “you can do it,” he said to himself, “she’s your best friend.” She was his best friend, they used to every single day, growing especially close after the death of their friends Charles and Reed. But since he went to Tulane, he couldn’t manage to gather up the courage to call her. Maybe he didn’t deserve to tell her how he felt; maybe he deserved to live with the guilt of knowing that April Kepner would always be too good for him.Then he saw her, red hair pulled up in a messy bun, she had light makeup on and was wearing a green top that really made her pale skin pop. She was breath taking; he still couldn’t believe she could look so good after a ten-hour shift in the pit. But here she was standing before him; completely oblivious to the way he was staring at her. 

“Why is everyone at the hospital fucking one another?” Alex groaned as he took a sip of his drink.   
“I think it’s sweet, plus Kepner deserves to be happy.” Meredith responded. “Also, you’re one to talk, you’re screwing an intern. Wilson is it?”   
“Yeah, that’s none of your concern,” he playfully said.   
“I know. But be careful, interns can be awfully clingy and you’re the last person I see settling down any time soon.”   
“Says the woman who went up and married the attending she was screwing and then had a kid with him.”   
“We weren’t ‘screwing’ I was in love with him. Big difference.”   
“Mhmm.”   
Kepner took off her coat and sat down at the bar next to Jackson. She couldn’t tell him, she didn’t have the heart to tell him about what was weighing on her mind. She ordered a simple coke because she had an early shift the next morning, but also because she knew that alcohol would just mess with her head.   
“So, uh how was your first day back?” She said, trying hard to not make the situation awkward.   
“April,” he began, the way he said her name made her melt, but she was still angry with him, “We already talked about my day, it went fine, you know why I asked you to get drinks.”   
“Jackson, what do you want me to say? If you came here to apologize, don’t bother it’s been two months, I’m fine. I didn’t pick up the phone to call you either, so honestly there’s no bad blood. I just want us to go back to the way things were.”  
“But you see, I can’t do that. April,” the words were just about to come out of his mouth when a tall man wearing a paramedic’s uniform came up behind April and put his hand on her shoulder and kissed her. Jackson’s blood was boiling with rage.   
“Hi Matthew, I didn’t think your shift was over for another hour,” she giggled.   
“Got done early and thought I’d come and meet the famous Jackson Avery,” he extended out his hand, “Hi, I’m Matthew Taylor.”   
“Jackson Avery, nice to meet you. And you’re?”  
“Jackson, he’s my boyfriend. We’ve been seeing each other for about six weeks now. I wanted to tell you, we’ve just been caught up with everything; it completely slipped my mind. What were you saying before he got here?”   
“Oh nothing. I was just going to ask you about the apartment.” April was a little disappointed by this response; she was hoping he had come back for her. Sure she liked Matthew and the sex was good, but it wasn’t earth shattering. He was a rebound, and she wanted no one else but Jackson. She hated the way she was feeling, she felt like she was toying Matthew along, having sex with him because she thought it was what girlfriends were supposed to do, not because she wanted to. Well of course she wanted sex, but maybe just not sex with him. It was so hard too, because Matthew was so sweet and caring and he held her while she cried about losing her best friend, he respected her religious views even offering to go to church with her on Sunday, and he never once made fun of her. He was the perfect guy, her perfect guy, but she met him just a little too late, her heart belonged to another.  
“Oh okay, well I think me and Matthew are going to head out, I’ll see you tomorrow. Night, ”she tried to hide the disappointment in her voice.   
“Night,” he responded, “Joe, I’ll take another scotch please.” 

Meredith and Alex had seen the whole thing and she felt absolutely terrible that Jackson had just been so publicly rejected, before he could even say the elusive three words, ‘I love you’. She had never seen the paramedic interact with April around the hospital before, if she had she never would of told Jackson to let it all out. Well, that was partially true, she was the one who confessed her love for Derek Shepherd in the scrub room talking about pretending to like his taste in music and what not. But he chose Addison. She knew he wanted her, but he had to do what was right, and for Jackson’s sake she hoped that April still felt the same. 

“She goes from Virgin Mary to having two guys vie for her attention in less than a month. What’s in the water Kepner’s drinking?” Alex scoffed.  
“Oh hush, come on Jackson looks pretty upset, I think I should go talk to him.” Meredith got up from the table she and Alex were sitting at and approached the devilishly handsome plastic surgeon; who had just experienced his first heartbreak. 

“Hey,” Meredith began.   
“Go away Meredith. I’d like to be alone,” Jackson was on his third glass of scotch and didn’t look like he was about to slow down anytime soon.  
“You know I can’t do that. Jackson, I care about you and April. I honestly didn’t know she had a boyfriend, I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be. She’s allowed to live her life, you know? I left her. I ran away. This is all my fault.”   
“Jackson, sometimes things aren’t going to be exactly the way you left them, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find something better than before. Did you at least tell her how you feel?”  
“Of course not. Meredith, who do you think I am?” The anger was rising in his voice, “I’m in mountains of pain right now thinking about how the woman I love is going home with that geeky paramedic who is absolutely perfect for her on paper. I can’t tell her how I feel; I can’t put that guilt on her. No it’s better to stay quiet.”  
“Jackson, you don’t know what April’s feeling. What if she wants you to? I saw her face when Matthew snuck up behind her, her eyes didn’t light up. When she looks at you, they do.” And with that Meredith left him at the bar and went back to her table with Alex. 

The next day at the hospital Avery tried to keep his head down, he had been humiliated from last night and just wanted to do everything in his power to forget it. He had come in early to do his rounds, hoping to avoid April; he wasn’t ready to face her, not yet.   
“Avery, my man,” Mark Sloan said while holding Sofia in his arms. He had his usual Mark Sloan charm plastered all over his face, but the typical blue scrubs he wore were absent.   
“Dr. Sloan, it’s great to see you,” Avery went in for a hug, hell it had been months since he had seen his mentor other than the occasional Skype call to check in on his progress. If Sloan had been in the field for more than three more hours, he likely wouldn’t have made it and neither would Lexie, “I thought you had three more weeks off.”   
“I do, just dropping Sofia off at daycare for Callie and Arizona.”  
“Oh yeah, how are they doing, I kind of heard about,” he was implying about Arizona’s leg, but didn’t want to drop the obvious elephant in the room.  
“They’re working through things. I tell you Avery, I thought being in a relationship was hard, but being in one while your spouse is recovering is unbearable.”  
“Spouse?”   
“Yeah Lexie and I got married, shortly after the accident. As soon as she was conscious we had the hospital priest come and marry us,” Mark smiled at the memory. Lexie had just woken up after three days in a coma, and her first words to him were “It’s you, it has always been you.” He prayed for the moment he would be able to tell her that she was the love of his life and that she meant the world to him, kids could wait, his career could wait, but time could not stop for her. As soon as she opened her eyes, he said, “Marry me.” And within the hour they were man and wife.  
“Congratulations man, I’m really happy for you. Let Lexie know I hope she can get back to work soon,” Jackson genuinely responded, he once loved Lexie but she loved Mark and he was glad she told him. He couldn’t imagine being with someone who was in love with someone else, it would have been heart wrenching.  
“Thanks, I’ll let her know. But seriously Avery, it seems like you and Karev are the only ones who aren’t hitched,” he joked.   
“Yeah, well it’s not something I’m looking for right now,” he lied.   
“You could always fall back on Kepner. You two have been friends for years; you could have one of those if neither of us are married by forty we’ll just marry each other, sort of deals.”   
“Kepner has a boyfriend, so I don’t think that will be happening any time soon.”  
“April Kepner? Shrill, annoying, April Kepner; has a boyfriend. Wouldn’t have thought she had it in her. Hey, do you think she’s, you know,” he made a facial remark that clearly was implying sex, “it’s actually kind of funny, I told her that she should do it with you right before the boards to relax and rewind, let out some of her stress. Maybe that’s why she’s been so casual lately, Kepner is finally getting laid.”  
“I’d rather not talk about it, she is my best friend. And I have no idea if she is or not, I just met him last night,” Jackson was getting agitated with this conversation.   
“Avery, I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve got to run and get Sofia to day care and pick up Lexie’s prescriptions. See you around.” 

April had come in to work late that morning, even though she hadn’t drank at all the night before she still woke up with a pounding headache and called Owen to see if she could come in late. He obviously obliged, given her circumstances, but she hated asking him for yet another favor. He was her boss, but sometimes he felt like the big brother she never had, and always wanted. She was surprised by how calm Matthew was when they got home, maybe he wasn’t able to sense the tension between her and Jackson or the seriousness of the conversation, but he had not even questioned her about it once they had got back to her place. They had sex, and fell asleep in each other’s arms, just like most nights. They never talked, not the way she and Jackson did. Their conversations were usually short and sweet, but never really flowed, he never made her laugh until her stomach hurt or made her feel so incredibly sexy and deserved the way Jackson did. She knew she needed to break up with him, but now that Jackson was back, she had to look like she had someone else, it would be too embarrassing if he thought she was pining over him, but also she needed to move on for her own well-being and Matthew was the perfect person. She could learn to love him, it had only been six weeks; she and Jackson had five years to form their friendship; things like love take a while to take shape.

“Kepner, I didn’t see you come in.” Cristina chimed.  
“Oh, I had a terrible headache this morning,” April responded.   
“I keep getting those too, but it’s probably from my pregnancy,” Meredith stated. She was fifteen weeks along with her and Derek’s first biological child, second to Zola the baby girl they adopted from Malawi.   
“You’re pregnant?” April gasped, “I didn’t know that! Congratulations!” Cristina had left the room for her surgery; she had had enough of all the oohs and aahs over Meredith’s pregnancy. She was so elated for her best friend when she told her and Owen over dinner, but it had been two weeks and there would be so many more, Cristina needed a break.   
“I guess I’ve been hiding it well, you know like some other people?”   
“What’s, what’s that supposed to mean?” April questioned Meredith.  
“April, I’m a doctor. You know what I’m getting at.”   
“Meredith, please don’t say it.” April eyes were screaming with fear.  
“You’re going to have to tell Jackson April. He’s going to find out sometime.”  
“I can’t. Meredith, he left. I thought he was gone, I thought I would never have to see him again. I tried to tell him, I really did, I tried to make him stay,” tears were welling up in her eyes.   
“April, you can’t do this alone. Especially when you don’t have to.” Meredith’s words sounded so motherly, God April missed her mom right now and her sisters back in Moline.   
“I just can’t. He’s so happy. He’s finally back on his feet. This will destroy him.” It took everything in Meredith’s power not to shout out, ‘He loves you, you blabbering idiot.’   
“April, if he finds out that you’ve been keeping this from him, he’s never going to forgive you.”   
“I know. But I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive him. I just need more time.”  
“How far along are you?”   
“8 weeks.” April Kepner had not admitted it out loud to anyone; she thought that if she ignored it, somehow it would all go away. That awful night in San Francisco, the tension between her and her best friend, it would all go back to normal. But how can you go back, when too much has changed, there are some things time cannot mend. She look down at her growing stomach and smiled. She knew that there was some good in this world, if you’re willing to wait.


	3. The Way Chapter 3

2 months earlier

The biggest day of their surgical careers was upon them, and to say April was nervous was a massive understatement. She had studied every day for months leading up to the exam, logged as many O.R. hours as possible, and she was chief resident. She had everything lined up, she would do her fellowship at Case Western and become the kick ass trauma surgeon she knew she could be. But, the boards changed her.   
She and Jackson had gone to the bar to get a drink and relax before the test the next morning, Meredith was sick with the stomach flu and Cristina was helping her cope, while Alex had driven back to Seattle to see his patient.   
“We’re falling apart,” April, sighed into her drink.   
“It’s going to be okay, you and I are going to be fine,” Jackson reassured her.  
“Me and you,” April smiled.   
The two of them were talking at the bar, Jackson still hadn’t decided if he wanted to stay at Seattle Grace or go to Tulane. April had made her decision two weeks ago, but he hadn’t the courage to tell her to stay. She was his best friend, he couldn’t imagine being without her.   
“Hey, I just wanted to say no hard feelings about earlier. May the best man win,” Kyle, the Case Western resident whose job April took approached her trying to be polite, but something in his tone was off putting.   
“Sure, yeah, no hard feelings. Good luck tomorrow,” April tried to maintain her composure.  
“Yeah, well I guess you could give Ted Stevens something I couldn’t. He sure as hell likes himself a read head.”   
“Hey, we’re all getting a little wound up right now, big test in the morning. Why don’t we just relax,” Jackson defended April.  
“No, you’re right. Big test, wouldn’t want to be caught sleeping with my boss before it.” And right then and there April spun out of the bar stool and punched him square in the nose, and Jackson made his wide-eyed ‘holy shit’ expression. He had never seen this side of April Kepner. He knew she was a strong woman, she’d been through her fair share of trauma, but April usually took what was being dished out to her for better or worse. Kyle couldn’t contain his embarrassment, so he just walked away cradling his newly broken nose with his hands.   
“I can’t believe I just did that,” April gasped, still feeling the exhilarating feeling of punching that asshole in the face. She and Jackson were standing outside her hotel room, and something just came over her. Maybe it was Mark’s words about sleeping with Avery or maybe she had finally decided to give into what her mind had been begging for, for the past few years. A chance with Jackson Avery, and so she took his face in her hands, gently, and kissed him. She knew exactly what she was doing; she had drunk enough to gain confidence, but not too much where she wouldn’t remember this in the morning.   
“April, what are you doing?” He was confused by her sudden outburst, but he was certainly not disappointed by it.   
“Jackson, I don’t know. All I know is that tomorrow our whole lives could be over, and I don’t want to risk that.”  
“Are you sure you want this?”  
“Me and you. Jackson, yes I’m sure.” And so he picked up her petite frame as she wrapped her legs around his waist, and guided her in to the hotel room. She and him had sex, the best sex he had ever had. Something about the emotional connection made every move, every detail more thrilling than a drunken hookup. After they had finished, Jackson lay in the bed, eyes open thinking about what he had done. April would hate herself in the morning, this wasn’t who April was, she was the type of girl who liked to be wooed and respected. Suddenly guilt came over him, what did he do? Why did he do it, because he wanted to? Before he could contemplate any further on what he had just done, he decided to get out of her bed and go back to his hotel room. It would be easier this way; it would be easier to leave. He looked back at her tousled red hair that was sprawled over the pillow, as he gently pushed his body from hers, kissed her forehead, and left. It was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. 

April woke up the next morning slightly disoriented. She rubbed her eyes and noticed her clothes in a pile on the floor; then she looked down and saw that she was naked. Why on earth was she naked? After a few seconds April remembered everything that happened last night. Kissing Jackson, confessing her feelings for him, and then giving her self to him. It had been amazing, never in her life had she felt so confident, it was like a high. Why do people ever do drugs? But then she looked around and didn’t see Jackson; he had left in the middle of the night without a word. To say she was disappointed would be an understatement, but more so she was embarrassed. Jackson was not the guy who would go for a girl like her, how could she have been such a fool to think he would? 

April and Jackson both took their tests that day, while April couldn’t get the shame out of her mind and Jackson couldn’t get the confusion out of his. But, April was a soldier, and soldiers fight. She tried hard to focus on herself, her exam, and her medical career. Jackson could wait, her feelings for him had waited for years; they could wait one more day. When they finally made it back to Seattle April had desperately wanted to talk to him. Every thought was running through her mind, was she not good in bed, did he just have sex with her out of pity, what would happen to their friendship? She needed answers or this anxiety was going to drive her mad. So, April went to Joe’s because she knew Jackson liked to go there often, it would be the one place she could meet him without any interruptions. 

“Hey, is this seat taken?” A tall man wearing a paramedic’s uniform, asked. He was good-looking, tall, and clean-shaven, with short brown hair. But April barely looked at him, focusing more instead on her gin and tonic.   
“No, no it’s not.”   
“My name’s Matthew, I think I’ve seen you around the hospital a few times, you’re a surgeon there right?”   
“Yeah, I am.” Why was he talking to her? She felt like she was giving off the ‘I’m not interested vibe’ but maybe no well enough.   
“Yeah,” Matthew could sense the awkwardness of the situation, “I’ve watched you work in the pit and honestly some of the work you do is just amazing.” April’s head suddenly turned, who was this guy, and why was he flattering her so much?   
“So, you’ve been spying on me?” She joked.  
“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds creepy?” The two of them were laughing up a storm when Jackson Avery had walked in to the bar; he had planned to talk to April about what happened at the boards. He wanted to explain why he left; he could only imagine the thoughts that were circulating in her mind. But then he saw her and the geeky looking man in the paramedic’s uniform, he saw how happy she looked as her hand touched his knee. He couldn’t do it. He was too late. So he left the bar and called Tulane.  
“Hi, Dr. Umber. This is Jackson Avery, I’ve decided to take your fellowship offer, look forward to seeing New Orleans soon.” 

“Jackson, I didn’t see you at Joe’s last night,” April began. She had caught him at his favorite coffee cart, which she did purposefully she needed to talk to him.   
“Oh, yeah, I was just really swamped with paperwork.” He tried to keep his head down, this whole, I’m in love with my best friend but can’t tell them thing was getting exhausting.   
“Paper work for what?”  
“Tulane. April, I’m going to Tulane.” And in that instant April’s heart shattered.   
“Oh, I didn’t know that. I thought you were staying here?”  
“What do I have here?” Anger poured through his voice.  
“You have me.”  
“You’re going to Case Western.”   
“Not if you tell me not to, I’m not.” Jackson knew exactly what she was saying, Jackson knew every little nuance of her personality; she wanted him to say it first. But he couldn’t be the one to hold her back.   
“April,” he began, “I can’t tell you to do that.”  
“Are we ever going to be the same,” tears started to form and she had that lump in the back of her throat that made her voice sound groggy.   
“I don’t know. April, I honestly don’t know. But I do know, that for now I have to go.”   
“Okay.”   
“April, you know it will always be me and you. No matter what we’re still standing.” But it was too late, she didn’t hear him, she had already left. 

Six weeks later, April was preparing the finishing touches on packing her apartment. She had been seeing Matthew casually for about a month, and he had been more than willing to help her move even though he knew her going to Ohio signified their break up.   
“Okay, so if your flights on the 17th, then that means we should book the hotel for the 18th and 19th right?” he asked. And then it hit her like a ton of bricks; she hadn’t had her period this month. And now that she thought about it, she hadn’t had it last month either.   
“Yeah, sounds good Matthew. I’ve got to run back to the hospital to get some stuff I left in my locker,” she kissed him as she bolted out the door. Once there she took a blood test, her mind was racing at a mile a minute. She couldn’t be pregnant. It was impossible. She had had sex once and with a condom. No, it was just stress.   
“Dr. Kepner,” the technician stated. “Here’s that blood work you asked for.”  
“Thank you.” April looked down at the folder, almost too afraid to open it. Deep down in her gut she knew what it was going to say. And she was right, the word pregnant popped out of the page. She didn’t know what to do, so she just sat down on the gurney that was closest to her, put her head in her hands and cried.  
“Kepner, what’s going on? Case Western resend your offer?” Karev asked, with his typical Karev starkness.  
“No, it’s not that. I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” She tried to hide her tears; he was certainly the last person she wanted to tell.   
“April, what is it?”   
“It’s honestly nothing. Please stop asking me.”   
“It’s about Jackson isn’t it? He doesn’t know does he?” Alex pointed down at the open file folder that said, Jane Doe and pregnant.   
“No,” she breathed out, “he doesn’t.” Alex took her in his arms and hugged her, he could be the biggest ass in the entire world, but sometimes he knew exactly what to say. And so she cried in his arms for what felt like hours, he didn’t let go of her until she was ready.

April told Hunt that she had decided to stay in Seattle and by deciding to stay in Seattle she and Matthew could continue seeing one another. She didn’t have the heart to break up with him, but how could she stay with a man when she was clearly pregnant with someone else’s baby? The next two weeks after she found out were pretty intense. She had had sex with Matthew for the first time, further cementing the fact that she wanted no one other than Jackson, she had prepared herself for her first new residents, and she was about to start her first day as an attending trauma surgeon at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Everything was going well, her life had finally been put together in a way that both she and God were happy about, until he had walked through those doors. Jackson was back, and April didn’t know how to feel. She loved him; she wanted him more than anything in the world. But he also left her, she gave him the opportunity to come back, to be with her, but he said no. Well, he didn’t say no, he said nothing, which was almost worse.

She refused to tell him about the baby at first, what would he think? The thought of telling him scared her half to death. Telling Matthew had been painfully awkward and embarrassing, but he wasn’t even the baby daddy. He was so kind to her, telling her that he would be there to support her and do whatever she needed him to do. He was the perfect guy on paper, why couldn’t her heart see it. Her brain could comprehend everything he did for her, he held her hair back when she puked in the morning, he bought her, her favorite food and cooked her dinner every night, and he rubbed her feet. He waited on her hand and foot, for a baby that wasn’t even his. She didn’t deserve him. She couldn’t keep doing this to him. 

 

Three weeks had gone by since Jackson had come back, and now April was 11 weeks along and starting to show. Luckily when she wore her scrubs no one would have been the wiser, and she stuck to loose fitting shirts on her way into the hospital. She knew she only had a few more weeks before everything would be out in the open and the little bubble of sanity that she had created for herself would burst. She had decided to break up with Matthew last week. He understood completely, he knew that she had too many other things on her mind and that she couldn’t give him everything he deserved. It hurt so much to see the look in his eyes; he had really grown attached to the babies, acting as if they were his. She hated herself for hurting him, but she hated herself more for being such a coward when it came to Jackson. Why couldn’t she tell him, why couldn’t she make herself tell him.

“Kepner,” Alex practically shouted from a top his lungs. “You’re forgetting something!” Alex had become Mr. Mom in the past few weeks, making sure April took her pre-natal vitamins and he even took her to her first obgyn appointment.   
“Oh yeah, thank you Alex,” she was slightly annoyed at his helicopter parenting, but swallowed her vitamin without any difficulty.   
“So, is your appointment still next Monday? I think I cleared the afternoon.”   
“Yes, it is.”   
“Okay, I’ll be there,” he gave her a look of sympathy, he knew she didn’t have to go through this alone, but until she was ready to tell Jackson he was going to be that person for her. Meredith Grey had begun to show, she was much further along than April and the whole hospital was enamored with her and Derek’s baby.   
“April,” Meredith’s cool voice stated, “How are you feeling? Any symptoms?”   
“Nope, none more than usual.”  
“How’s Matthew doing?” Meredith was curious; she hadn’t seen the paramedic in a few days.  
“Good I think. He and I actually broke up.”   
“Oh no, April I’m sorry to hear that. Was it because of?” Meredith tried not to say the word, “pregnancy” because of Jackson and because she was also pretty convinced that April was still in denial over the whole situation.  
“No, I broke up with him. It was completely amicable.”   
“That’s good. Well you know, if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”  
“I know that. Thank you Meredith.”

Monday came around quickly, and April was getting sort of excited to see her babies again. But then she saw him, Jackson Avery was standing at the nurse’s station outside of OB. Why was he here? Did someone tell him? Did he know?   
“Hi, Jackson, what are you doing here?” April asked, trying to keep her composure. She was twelve weeks along with twins, and anyone with half a brain would have been able to tell. Her stomach was clearly rounder and her boobs had grown to the size of watermelons, or at least they felt like it.   
“I have a patient, pregnant woman with some pretty bad burns. What are you doing up here?”   
“Oh, I was,” she panicked and then she saw Alex, “Just meeting Alex. Karev!” she shouted, giving him the eye to come over.   
“Well, I’ve got to get to my patient, see you later.”  
“Yeah.” The wave of panic subsided and April and Karev headed into the exam room and waited for Dr. Keller. She was the best OB in the hospital, and April wanted nothing but the best. Alex held her hand, as the cool ultra sound gel was squeezed onto her now rounded tummy. And then she saw them, her two babies, and her lifelines. Jackson had come out of his patient’s room and went back to the nurse’s station to grab a chart, and he saw through the glass on the door April Kepner. Round belly and all. And suddenly his whole body went numb.


	4. The Way Chapter 4

April Kepner wiped off her stomach and pulled her scrub top over her belly. Alex Karev had left five minutes earlier; he was paged to one of his patient’s who was having a minor freak out over having her first surgery later that afternoon.   
“The babies look great, your boyfriend really knows what he’s doing. You’re lucky to have him,” Dr. Keller said trying to make April feel better.  
“Yeah, he does.” April sighed. She grabbed the ultra sound picture from Dr. Keller and smiled down at it. She would tell him, soon. She just didn’t know how, or when, or where? 

Jackson Avery had gone back to his patient’s room, trying to forget about what he had seen. His mind was playing tricks on him. April was not pregnant. She would have told him. But he left, he left her in the lurch, she asked him to stay and he said nothing. Did she know? Was she asking him to stay because of this? His mind was confused and he could barely focus on his patient, he had to go outside and take a breath. And has he left his patient’s room; April Kepner was leaving her room, holding a sonogram in her hand. He saw her tuck it into her lab coat pocket and before he could even think about what he was doing, his feet were moving, and he pushed her into a supply closet. 

“Jackson!” She screamed, “Get off of me. What are you doing?” She tried hard to release his strong grip from her arm. She met his eyes, and the color faded from her cheeks. He knew. How did he know? How on earth had he figured it out? Did Alex say something; God Alex must have said something.   
“April, what were you really doing up here?” He asked.   
“I told you, I had a patient. Now, please let me go,” she was almost going to cry. This whole situation made her want to curl up in a ball and cry, but no she was a soldier. She was going to be strong. She could stand here, and look the man she loves in the eye, and tell him that she didn’t need him. But every time she thought about being that woman, the one who didn’t let bad things happen to her, the one who said no whenever she wanted, the woman April wished she could be. April melted at the sound of his voice or his tender touch. She could sense his anger, she was angry too, but here she had the choice. Be angry or be in love.   
“April, what’s in your pocket?”   
“Nothing.”   
“I saw you with Karev, I saw you come out of that room. Please tell me what’s going on,” he was practically begging. Tears were swelling in his blue-green eyes. “You were my best friend, you told me everything.”   
“Jackson, you left.”  
“I know I did, but I had to.”  
“I asked you to stay, why didn’t you stay?”  
“I couldn’t be the man you needed me to be. You deserve someone like Matthew, he’s perfect for you.”  
“Don’t you think I know that?,” her voice was getting louder, “Don’t you think I know that Matthew is the man who I’m supposed to be with? But Jackson, I was in love with you! I wanted you! And you left.” He was completely shocked by this, he knew she felt the same way, but to hear the words come out of her mouth like a flowing river were music to his ears.  
“April, I’m sorry. I got scared,” he breathed in; this was his moment. Now or never. “I never stopped loving you, I think I always have loved you.” April was taken a back by his confession of love, she knew this was what she wanted to hear, but something in her didn’t want to know. Her perfect happiness bubble had just been burst, and she didn’t know if she was ready to face all these feelings she was having for her best friend.   
“Jackson, I don’t know what to say.”  
“You don’t have to say anything,” his hands were now holding her face, it felt so nice to have him hold her again, to be in his embrace, it felt like home.  
“Let me help you. April, you don’t have to do this alone.” He refused to say the words, until she would.   
“Jackson, I loved you. Like really loved you. I don’t want you if you don’t want me. I’m not the kind of girl who’s going to sit and wait for someone.”  
“I know, you’ve moved on with Matthew.”  
“Matthew and I broke up.”  
“Why?” He couldn’t help but be excited over that news.  
“Because I couldn’t give him what he wanted.”  
“And what do you want?”  
“I don’t know. Sometimes I think I want you. Other times I think I can do it alone, but I don’t want to. But Jackson,” she looked into his eyes, “I don’t know if I would be able to put myself back together again if you left.” She placed her head on his chest and sobbed. He finally realized what he had put her through; he finally realized what he had done. He thought he was leaving her to save her from pain, but instead he was the cause of her pain. “Jackson, I’m scared. What am I going to do? I’m all alone.”   
“Shh,” he stroked her hair, “No you’re not. You have me.”   
“Do I? Do you promise me you won’t leave, you won’t run away? Because Jackson, I’m so scared that you will. So, I’m giving you right now to walk away, and I’ll forgive you.” Her words broke his heart, God he hated that he had hurt her so much.   
“April, I’m not going anywhere.” And then she pulled out the sonogram from her pocket; his eyes were wide with shock and disbelief. It was real.   
“I’m twelve weeks now.” She handed him the sonogram and he studied it with such intensity. He didn’t say anything. She knew he knew, but she had just confirmed it, and so he was in shock. She had about passed out when she found out, and if Alex hadn’t comforted her she didn’t know where her head would have been.  
“April, why didn’t you tell me?”   
“I was scared.”  
“April, I’m never going to leave you. I love you, and our baby.” He grabbed her and kissed her lips, it had been so long since he had felt her sweet, soft lips touch his.   
“Babies,” she whispered, “You love me and our babies.” Jackson stepped back, and leaned against the wall of the supply closet, now he was actually in shock.   
“Babies?”  
“Twins,” she laughed, “Can you believe that? First time I have sex, and I get pregnant with twins?” She did think it was pretty funny, like God was playing some kind of sick joke on her.   
“Wow.” He tried to compose himself. “Twins. I don’t know what I’m going to tell my mother.”  
“Trust me, telling mine was not fun.”  
“You already told your family?”  
“Well of course. Jackson, I didn’t think you were coming back.”  
“Wait. So you weren’t going to tell me if I didn’t come back? Are you kidding me April?”  
“Jackson, don’t be ridiculous. Of course I would have told you. I just didn’t know how. It’s not the easiest conversation to have.”   
“How long have you known?” pain started to seep through his voice.  
“Six weeks.”  
“You’ve know for three weeks while I’ve here and didn’t even bother to tell me? Why April? Were you ever going to tell me?”   
“Yes.”   
“And to see you with Karev of all people, you hate Karev. Why did he know before me?”  
“Because, unlike you, he was there.” She couldn’t take it anymore, she and Jackson were so right and so wrong for each other. One minute they’re confessing their love for one another and the next, they’re fighting like cats and dogs. She ran out of that supply closet, at the same time Alex was back in the OB’s room to grab his phone that he left there. He didn’t go after April; instead he decided to talk to Jackson. No way would she be this upset if she hadn’t told Jackson.   
“Jackson, what the hell?” Alex yelled, he was prepared to punch him in the face.   
“Alex, I do not need this right now. Go away.” Jackson scowled.  
“No I’m not going to go away. What are you doing man? You’re being the exact same coward that your father was.”  
“Don’t you dare talk about my father, you don’t know what happened.”  
“You’re right, I don’t know what happened. But I do know that it messed with your head, and maybe you’re not willing to admit that. But you have a woman who loves you and who needs you. She’s not going to wait around forever for you to deal with your shit. So get your head out of your ass and do something.”  
“What if I can’t? What if I can’t be a good father? What if I can’t be the man she deserves?”  
“If you never try, you’ll never know. Seriously man, man up. This is it; this is your starting line. Everything leading up to this day meant nothing; today you found out you’re going to be a father. Be one. Go find her.”

April ran through the hospital, trying hard to get away from Jackson and all the thoughts that were running through her head. She loved him, she wanted him, but she was still so angry with him. Tears were falling down her cheeks. She thought about how embarrassed she was to tell her mom that she was pregnant from basically a one-night stand, and when her mom asked her about it, about the man. She couldn’t tell her anything about it, because she didn’t know what he was. Was he her best friend, was he going to be there, she didn’t know, but she knew that at this point she didn’t trust him. She wasn’t ready to let him in, not yet. 

“April?” Meredith called after her. “April, slow down.”   
“What is it Meredith?” she snapped.   
“He knows, doesn’t he?”   
“Yes. He knows.” Meredith stopped in her tracks and pulled April into her, hugging her. It was unlike Meredith to hug anyone like this, but her hormones had been completely out of whack since she got pregnant. Some motherly instinct came over her and she new she needed to hold April Kepner.   
“It’s going to be okay. You have me and Alex and Owen, you’re going to be okay.” April just sobbed into her chest, Jackson Avery heard the whole thing. He saw how broken April was.   
“I can’t do it Meredith. One minute we’re fine, the next we’re fighting. He’s too much. He’s just so broken and right now, I can’t mend him.”  
“Give him a chance April, he may surprise you.” Jackson was listening intently to their conversation.  
“He isn’t ready for this. It’s better if I just go. He doesn’t need me holding him back.” Jackson could hear the brokenness in her voice, God why didn’t she see it. Why couldn’t she see how much she meant to him, to everyone around her? April Kepner was not alone in this world. She was remarkably talented, beautiful, kind, strong, he smiled just thinking about her and how she would do anything for the people she loved and even the ones she didn’t. He knew she didn’t keep the pregnancy from him to hurt him; she did it to spare him. He caught Meredith’s eyes and gave her the, ‘I’ll take it from here look’.   
“April,” Jackson started, “Can we talk.”   
“Jackson, I’d rather not.”   
“April, I have a surgery to get to. You need to talk to him. If you need anything, just page me okay?” Meredith left, April was staring at the ground, and she looked Jackson straight in the eyes and said, “This is your chance. Do not let her go.”  
“April,” he began, “I’m sorry for getting angry before. I can’t imagine what you’ve been feeling. I guess I just took out all my rage about losing you and my jealousy over Matthew out in that moment. I’m sorry.”  
“Jackson, stop. I can’t take you being nice to me like this. I’m a horrible person, I’ve done horrible things to you, to God, to my family.”  
“April what are you talking about?”  
“I lied to you, I could have told you so much earlier, I made you sleep with me and now you’re trapped,” she was sobbing now, “I slept with Matthew because I thought it would help me get over you. It didn’t. It just made me more confused.”  
Jackson was angry over hearing that she had slept with Matthew. His blood boiled. She was his; she was whom he was supposed to end up with. And the thought of someone else having the same connection as he did with her made him feel sick.   
“It’s okay. April, there’s nothing to forgive,” he tried so hard to be strong, “please look at me.”   
“I can’t. I don’t deserve to look at you. You really should go; I’m just going to hold you back. I’m going to talk to Hunt, and tell him I’m going home. There’s nothing keeping me here anymore.”   
“April, stop it! I’m here. I want you. We can do this. Stop pitying yourself.”  
“Jackson, you’re just saying that because you have to. You’re a good guy, it’s part of the reason I love you. But you don’t need me and the babies holding you down. You’re their father, but you don’t have to be anything more.”  
“I want to be, though.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I want more. I want to be more. I’ve been scared of commitment my whole life, but I think it’s because I never saw what real love was,” he began to ramble, “I want the whole damn thing. The wife, the house, the job, and the kids. And I want it with you.”  
“What are you saying?”  
“April Kepner, will you marry me?” Her jaw dropped, and the seconds he waited for her response felt like an eternity. “Well, will you?” He asked again, slightly chocking on his words.


	5. The Way Chapter 5

I’d like to say that hope is the worst feeling of them all. Because when you let yourself wish for what you truly want, and it doesn’t happen, that disappointment could kill a person… 

Meredith Grey hadn’t seen her sister Lexie in over two weeks and she was so excited to have her back at the hospital. Lexie’s rehab had been going well, and she had regained 80% function in her left arm, with luck she may be able to return to surgery in about six months. Both she and Derek had been keeping each other company planning for the dream home, which now housed an extra bedroom for Meredith’s son. Meredith finally had everything she had ever wanted, everything she had been too afraid to want.   
When she was five years old, her father walked out on her mother, because she was having an affair with another resident, Richard Webber. He was also the chief of surgery at Seattle Grace Mercy West while Meredith did her internship, but was replaced by Owen Hunt after his alcoholism took away from his performance. However, Thatcher Grey left Ellis, not Meredith. It didn’t stop Meredith from feeling worthless, from feeling like she wasn’t good enough to make him stay. He didn’t fight for her, and she vividly remembered the night she drove to his house, she had been so exhausted from her patient that day and dealing with her mother’s worsening Alzheimer’s. She got out of her car and he instantly recognized her, she was the spitting image of her mother, except there wasn’t coldness about Meredith. Sure, she was broken, damaged, but she had seen so much, it would have been down right impossible for her to be bright and shiny. And she asked him the simple question, “Why didn’t you fight harder?” He quit.   
Ever since Meredith had been determined not to quit, not to be the person who left when things got tough. She was a fighter. And when she met Lexie, it had been a punch in the gut. Here was this perfect woman, who was intelligent, charming, kind, and she also had the perfect upbringing. No psychotic surgeon mother who was obsessed with being extraordinary, no daddy issues, no pressure. She grew up free. And to say that Meredith was jealous of that; was an understatement. However, as she began to get to know Lexie Grey, simply because Lexie was too persistent to take no for an answer, she soon realized that ‘little grey’ was a person worth knowing.   
Mark and Lexie came into the hospital together, he had been back for a week or so, but had mainly been sticking to teaching the young interns. He was the in O.R. once, but from what Meredith heard it hadn’t gone well. Mark, like her and Cristina, had suffered some residual PTSD from the crash and was having repeating visions of the plane crash and being stranded out in the woods. Lexie told Meredith, that she had to hold him down one night because his screaming was so intense. To make matters worse, they were in the process of suing the airplane company, which turned out to have been cognizant of their faulty plane. It was stressful. Meredith’s life was stressful and she didn’t need any more. She needed Mark to be okay. She needed Derek to come back to work. She needed Cristina to be her person again. She wished she could snap her fingers and go back, but the carousel never stops turning.  
Cristina had not been faring much better, although her injuries were much less severe than the others, her sense of self was much more broken. Cristina Yang was always the strongest one. The person who would fight to the death for whatever she wanted. But if someone ever had the pleasure of breaking down a few of Cristina’s walls, they’d see that there’s someone hiding behind them. Meredith had never thought of Cristina as weak, the thought would have never crossed her mind. Cristina was the person who picked up the pieces, but when Gary Clark came into the hospital and held a gun to her temple, while she was operating on Derek and Meredith sobbed like her life depended on it, something in Cristina snapped. That wall that she had built; was slowly coming down. And she needed it. It wasn’t a bad thing to have her guard up, it made her, her. But bad things keep happening, to everyone. The shooting, Owen cheating, the plane crash, sometimes it’s just too much for a person. Meredith wanted her person back, she wanted the Cristina she met on her first day, the one whose intimidating nature made Meredith want to be better. But Meredith is patient, she waited this long to find her family, she can wait for them to heal.   
“Good morning, Dr. Grey,” Derek Shepherd came up behind her and handed a cup of decaf coffee while he kissed her cheek.   
“Dr. Shepherd, I’m surprised to see you here,” she playfully responded.  
“I’m here to see Torres, I think she has a plan for my hand.”   
“You’re kidding?”  
“No. But don’t get your hopes up, it probably won’t work.”   
“Derek,” she gently grabbed his arm, “It’ll work.”  
“Why have you become so hopeful all of a sudden? You’re supposed to be the dark and twisty one?”   
“I think it’s the hormones, you’re son is making me nice!”   
“That a boy! Well, I’ll swing by and pick Zola up before I leave. See you at home.”   
“Which home?”   
“The new one.”  
“You finished?”  
“Last night.” Meredith was so happy that he had finally finished that house. It felt like a lifetime ago that she told him she wanted him back, with candles lining where she thought the rooms would be. That patch of land meant everything to her. It was where Derek told her that ‘she was like coming up for fresh air’, and even though Meredith was furious that he didn’t tell her he had a wife, something about his words just spoke to her. He was her knight in shining whatever, and she still kicks herself when she thinks about how long she went without telling him, without waking up with him next to her. Their post it wedding was absolutely perfect, his proposal in the elevator with their most memorable cases, was perfect. He was perfect. How did a man so wonderful, so incredibly intelligent, courageous, charming, fall in love with her? The broken girl with daddy issues? Because love isn’t formulaic, people who look like they fit on paper aren’t always perfect for one another, it’s the love that’s a slow build that makes it through. Derek and her had the love that took work, that took its time to marinate, and it made them appreciate it so much more. Every morning she woke up to him next to her, his dimply smile greeted her and the baby, and his shiny blue eyes told her he loved her. Life was going well.   
“Meredith, have you seen Alex? I can’t seem to find him anywhere,” Cristina asked in a panic. Her curly hair was in shambles; clearly she had just had sex.   
“Why do you need Alex, and fix your hair.”  
“Patient upstairs, kid, will only talk to Alex, you know. And yeah, thanks.”   
“Were you having sex with Owen?” Cristina was taken a back by the question, but Meredith was her best friend and they told each other everything. She was her person.   
“Yes.”  
“Cristina!” Annoyance was coming through Meredith’s tone. Owen had cheated on Cristina a few months back, as a sort of revenge for her aborting their baby. They both hurt each other, and were like star-crossed lovers who never seemed to be on the right page.  
“You don’t get to judge me. It’s more complicated than you think.”   
“Trust me, I know complicated. Cristina, come on, have a little self-respect.”   
“Says the woman who slept with a married man.”  
“I loved him.”  
“And I love Owen,” she started to speak more slowly, “But things are complicated. Meredith, I’m not doing this lightly. He knows we’re still divorced, right now it’s just sex, nothing more.”   
“Okay.”  
April Kepner walked in to the attending’s lounge. She was sixteen weeks now, and it was no longer something she could keep hidden. She had taken the past two weeks off to go to Moline and visit her parents, and explain the whole ordeal, while Jackson had gone to Boston to tell his mother in person.   
“Morning!” April said in her cherry tone. Cristina turned her head and her eyes went wide when she noticed April’s pregnant belly. She practically chocked on her water.  
“Morning Kepner, anything new?” Cristina asked.  
“Nope, nothing new. How are you?” She responded.  
“I’m good. Kepner, are you forgetting something?”  
“No, no I don’t think so. Did I leave my stethoscope in my locker?”  
“I think she’s referring to the elephant in the room, Kepner,” Meredith informed her pointing to her belly.  
“Oh, yeah that. I’m pregnant.” She said it so calmly. April had come to terms with it. She was actually starting to get excited about it. It scared the living day lights out of her at first, but then she realized she had two lives inside of her. She could feel baby A kick, baby B was pretty quiet, but she knew she had a rambuncous twin and one who would likely be hitting the books like their parents.   
“When? How? Who?” The words were pouring out of Cristina’s mouth.   
“The boards. I think you know how. And Jackson.”   
“You’re kidding. You’re having Jackson Avery’s baby. No you’re not. Kepner, come on, no you’re not.” Cristina was practically laughing.  
“You’re right. I’m not having Jackson Avery’s baby.”  
“Then whose are you having?”   
“I’m having his babies. I’m pregnant with twins.”   
“Kepner, you continue to amaze me. I’ve always been on the fence about you, but now, I’m not just a friend. I’m a fan.”  
“Thank you?” April skeptically responded.  
“Oh April, I’m liking you more and more. How was your time in Moline?” Meredith asked, trying not to probe at the elephant she was getting at. How were April and Jackson. The last time she saw them, they were talking outside the O.R., it had also been the day that April told him about the pregnancy.   
“It was great. Really great seeing my family.”  
“And Jackson?”   
“He went to Boston. To tell his mother.”   
“How’d that go?” Cristina asked, completely intrigued by the drama that Catherine Avery would be bringing to this situation.   
“I don’t know. She’s supposed to be in town today, so we’ll see.”  
“Good luck with that Kepner,” Meredith said.   
1 week earlier

Jackson Avery had gotten off the plane in Boston, he tried to sleep on it, but he couldn’t. He was a nervous wreck. He felt like a sixteen year old telling him mom he got his high school girlfriend pregnant. The only thing making this somewhat bearable was the fact that it wasn’t a random woman, it was April. Which maybe made it worse. It was April, his best friend.   
“Jackson, darling! Come here! Now you have got me so worried, what could you not tell me over the phone?” Catherine Avery asked. She was the most powerful woman Jackson had ever met. She managed to raise her son and be a surgeon all while her dead-beat husband was nowhere to be found. She did it on her own. Jackson had nothing but respect for his mother, even if she did pry into his business once in a while.   
“It’s,” he was struggling to get the words out, “It’s about April.”  
“That sweet girl, I just saw that she and Matthew broke up. He looked like such a good guy for her, maybe she finally did the horizontal tango,” Catherine winked.  
“That’s not what I wanted to talk about, mom.”  
“Baby, what is it? You can tell me anything. Is something wrong with April?”  
“No. Nothing’s wrong with April. She’s fine.”   
“Then what is it?”  
“Mom, April’s pregnant. With twins”  
“Oh, that poor girl. Who’s the father?” It hadn’t registered with her; the gears in her head hadn’t quite turned all the way.   
“Me. I’m the father.” His eyes met his mother’s and for the first time in weeks, he cried. She pulled him in tight, into the bear hug that she would hold him in every night after his father left.  
“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”   
“What if I can’t do it? I keep asking myself, do I even know how to be a father?”  
“No you don’t. But you step up. And you be there for her. Do you love her?”  
“More than anything.”   
“Then you’re already so much further ahead than your father. He never loved me, not the way you love April. Trust me, I’ve seen the way you look at her. I like to think that I knew you loved her before the thought had ever crossed your mind. Jackson, baby. This is a good thing.”  
“I asked her to marry me.”   
“What’d she say?” And so mother and son, caught up with one another and started the paper work to transfer the foundation to the babies if anything were to happen to Jackson or Catherine. He had arranged for her to come to Seattle in one week’s time for her to talk with April and sign all of the contractual items. He hated to get lawyers involved, he knew it would overwhelm April, but his mother had insisted. She had built the foundation from the ground up, made it what it was today, he couldn’t let its legacy die. A part of him thought she was happy about April being pregnant solely because it meant there was finally an Avery heir and now she could rest easy. 

April Kepner tapped her pen against her chart; her nerves were not calm at all today. She knew stress wasn’t good for the babies, but today she had to see Catherine Avery. The woman was elusive for her meddling skills. Somehow by the end of the day she could convince April to give up her babies, move out of state, and forget she ever was a surgeon. She was that good. Her stomach was in knots, April felt like she was going to be sick, and she leaned down to relieve herself when Catherine came up behind her.  
“April, baby. How’re you doing?”  
“I’m great Catherine.”   
“Good. Are you ready to get started? Jackson’s already in the room.”  
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” April sighed. 

April had never really liked the hospital conference rooms. They were dark and dreary, and felt dead compared to the hustle and bustle of the E.R. There, April felt alive. She felt like she could do anything, be anything. But in this tiny room, with Jackson, his mother, and their lawyer, she felt like the small little farm girl from Moline.   
“April, sweetie, do you have a lawyer coming?”  
“No, I didn’t think that would be necessary. Will it?”  
“No, it shouldn’t be,” Catherine said, “Alright Greg let’s begin.”  
“Alright. Dr. Kepner, we’re just going to go over a few details regarding the foundation, custody, and basic child raising agreements. Do you understand?”  
“Yes.” April was not in the mood to discuss these hot button issues, that she and Jackson hadn’t even had the time to talk about themselves, and now to do it in front of his mother felt like an invasion of privacy.   
“State your name for the record.”  
“April Noël Kepner.”  
“Dr. Kepner, is Dr. Jackson Avery the father of your unborn children?”   
“Yes he is.”   
“It is my understanding that you had a relationship with someone else, who could also be the father.”  
“Jackson is the father,” she was starting to get frustrated.  
“Were you and,” he shuffled through his papers, “Matthew Taylor having a sexual relationship?”   
“Yes. We were. But like I told you, he is not the father.”  
“Okay, Dr. Kepner. We’re going to need to do a paternity test before we sign anything regarding the foundation. Just to be safe.”   
“If you insist.” April didn’t feel like arguing, she felt like getting out of that room as quickly as possible. She knew in her gut that they were Jackson’s babies. She knew that he was the only man that could be their father.   
“Okay, let’s move on. Child raising decisions.” He continued to shuffle his papers. Jackson was agitated with this whole meeting. He and April were adults, they could figure these details out on their own, plus he was not fond of hearing about her and Matthew.   
“Will the children attend board meetings once they’re old enough?”  
“I’m, I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought about it.”  
“Okay, we’ll put that down as a maybe. Religion. It’s my understanding that Dr. Avery is an atheist and you’re a Christian, how do you plan on raising the children.”  
“Christian. They will be raised Christian,” she emphasized the will. Jackson had his reservations about God, but he respected April’s beliefs and because he knew how important this was to her, he didn’t fight against it.   
“Schools. Boarding schools correct?”  
“What? They don’t need to go to boarding school, public school will be just fine.”  
“April, honey, they’re going to be Avery’s, they have to go to good schools,” Catherine Avery finally put her two cents in.   
“They are my children. They go where I want them to go. End of discussion. You know what, this whole meeting is too much. These are mine and Jackson’s children, not yours and not the foundations.”  
“April, calm down. I’m only trying to help you. It’ll only take a few more minutes, please stay.” She reluctantly complied.  
“Okay now custody. Typically we give the mother more time at the beginning, but after which are we thinking joint custody?”  
“That won’t be necessary,” Jackson uttered, he had remained pretty silent the entire meeting, something about his mother’s meddling always managed to get under his skin.  
“Yeah, it won’t be necessary.” April replied.  
“And why’s that. Have you two worked it out on your own?” Catherine’s lawyer asked curious.  
“We don’t have to. We’re married.” And with that April grabbed Jackson’s hand and his mother, for once, was silent.


	6. The Way Chapter 6

They say that time heals all wounds, but what do you do when you’ve simply run out of time. Out of chances to give. Forgiveness is easy, but forgetting and truly moving on, is downright impossible. 

Lexie Grey had walked into Seattle Grace Mercy West with a skip in her step, it had been one week since she had returned from her medical leave. Her arm still felt relatively numb, but it was certainly improving from a few weeks ago, she couldn’t even move her hand. Today, she was moving her fingers and could even hold a pen. It seemed like such a trivial feat, but it was remarkable. She was surprised that the doctors in Boise were even able to reattach the arm. It had been nothing short of a miracle. When she had woken up and seen Mark sitting next to her bed, his hand intertwined with hers, she knew that even if she’d never be able to be a surgeon again, that she’d be okay. It didn’t matter; nothing mattered anymore except for him. See saw the pain in his eyes, the fear he had that she wouldn’t wake up, he really loved her. She kicked herself for pushing him away all those times, for being afraid of what she could not control, of what she wasn’t ready for. She was only twenty-four when they met, and he was ready for kids, marriage. But there’s something about almost dying; that makes you realize that you need to say to the people you that you love them, while they can still hear you. That was the day that everything became clear to her, love is enough if you believe it can be.  
“Dr. Grey, good to have you back. Is your rehab going better?” Callie Torres asked. Callie hadn’t been involved in the plane crash, but her wife Arizona had been and lost her leg in the accident. Callie and Arizona had been having issues, but after some therapy, and intervention from Mark they were back to normal. Mark had insisted that they put it behind them for Sofia’s sake, even threatening to limit their custody if they would only be fighting. It had been a harsh threat, and one that Lexie didn’t fully agree with, but it made the two surgeons speak to one another about the amputation. Arizona had put her trust in Callie and she felt betrayed when Callie had decided to amputate her leg anyway. While, Callie was scared Arizona was going to die, and she made the conscious decision to have a live wife who hated her rather than one in the ground.   
“It’s been great. Moving my fingers.” Lexie answered charmingly. Callie was elated that everything was going so well for ‘little Grey’. She had put so much effort into everyone’s recoveries, Lexie was another mother to her daughter, Mark was Sofia’s father, Arizona her mother, and Derek a good friend. Callie didn’t like thinking about how much she could have lost that day, everyone important in her daughter’s life could have been gone in an instant. So, she poured herself into her work and into making them better. Derek and her had tried new electrodes to help his nerves, even getting a donation from his sister, much to his disagreement. Now, Derek was able to play Ping-Pong for hours, the Derek Shepherd, McDreamy, was almost able to perform surgery. She did that. Callie Torres made that happen.   
She was usually looked over, no one thought of her as the front-runner for chief resident. They found it comical when she married George. But Callie was as badass as they got. She was a bisexual woman who did not take no for an answer and soon had the whole hospital wrapped around her finger. Everyone vied for Dr. Calliope Torres’ input, and it honestly felt great. No one could argue that it feels good to be needed.   
“That’s amazing,” she exclaimed, “You and Mark are still on for dinner with Arizona and I on Friday right?”   
“Absolutely. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Lexie had grown so attached to Sofia in the past few months. When she wasn’t at rehab, she was at home taking care of Sofia. She attributes her for her recovery, without her Lexie probably would have quit. It made her think of having her own baby soon, like Meredith and April. It wasn’t something she was quite set on, and she still needed to talk to Mark about it. But she knew that Mark was just waiting for her to give the okay and they would get on the baby making train as soon as possible. She loved Mark and Sofia, and she was starting to sort of love the idea of having a baby, but she also loved the idea of being a surgeon and right now she needed to work towards that. If there was even the slightest chance that she’d be able to be in the O.R. again, she was going to work her ass off for it. Because Grey’s don’t quit, at least Grey women don’t. 

Meredith waddled up the stairs, she was almost at the end of her second trimester, but it didn’t lessen her fears of having a miscarriage. She was told that she had a hostile uterus and when she and Derek had wanted to conceive before she had to take painful hormonal shots in the ass. It had been a bit of a turn on having her husband pull her pants down on a short elevator and prick her bum. The fear also crept its way into her head because she had been pregnant on the day of the hospital shooting, and she vividly remembered the blood flowing down her leg while Cristina was operating on an unconscious Derek Shepherd who had a gun shot wound to the chest. She hadn’t even told him about the miscarriage until weeks later. She had to go through it alone. Meredith was no stranger to doing things alone, to being on her own. She honestly thought it was easier to be alone, to have no one to answer to. The thought of loving someone and then it falling apart, if you realized that you needed love and no longer had it, you might not make it. To lose love is like organ damage, it’s like dying, but you’re still breathing. So, it took Meredith a very long time to open herself up, to let her hopes and desires creep to the surface and become known. She had been so scared of losing this pregnancy, like the others, that she waited until nine weeks to tell Derek. She did it in such an adorable way, by buying Zola a t-shirt that said ‘world’s best big sister’.   
Meredith left the simulation lab in a panic, her eyes grew wide, and she was perspiring. She was doing well in the skills lab, to the annoyance of the ever-competitive Miranda Bailey. She began to take deep, calming breaths, tension came over her body, and she had to step out for a minute; Miranda followed her.   
“Something’s wrong. Something’s wrong. You’re right, I got comfortable and flip and the universe is smacking me down for it. You’re right, I’m not immune, I’m not safe,” Meredith said in a panic.   
“Wait, wait, Grey stop. What is going on?” a concerned Miranda Bailey asked. Dr. Bailey had been Meredith’s resident her first year along with George, Izzy, Cristina, and Alex. All of her interns had dealt with more crap than humanly possible. From George getting run over by a bus and Izzy’s cancer and the hospital shooter. They weren’t supposed to be her babies; they weren’t supposed to mean anything to her more than a student-teacher relationship at best. But Miranda Bailey always did have a soft heart, and so she tried her hardest to comfort Meredith Grey.  
“There’s a flutter, it, it can’t be right.”  
“Oh sweetie. This is not a bad thing.”  
“What? It’s not.”  
“It’s good. It’s so good,” Miranda took a breath, “you’re baby’s kicking.” Relief came over Meredith, everything that she had feared this baby not making it like the others before seemed like an over exaggeration. Finally, something good was happening in her life. Meredith, the dark and twisty woman with all the daddy issues and overly driven mother, was getting what she deserved. Her happy ending, with her happy family, Zola, Derek, Lexie, and her son. Sometimes, waiting can be worth it. 

1 month earlier

“Will you marry me?” Jackson’s words shocked April. Why on earth was he asking her this? What was he doing?   
“Jackson, you don’t know what you’re saying.”  
“Yes I do. April I want to marry you.”   
“Jackson, we haven’t even dated. We haven’t even gotten through a simple conversation without even arguing since San Francisco and you want to get married? Jackson, you don’t have to try to do the noble thing, we’re not teenagers, you don’t need to prove anything to me.” She was trying to be rational.  
“April, do you trust me?”  
“That’s a ridiculous question, of course I do.”   
“Then why would you question my motives?”  
“I don’t know. It’s just that you left, Jackson you left. Why?” She asked the hard-hitting question, the elephant in the room, so to speak. Why did Jackson Avery always leave when things got tough? Although she had never had a serious boyfriend, he had never had a serious girlfriend. He was an attractive man; he could have gotten any girl he wanted. But April knew there was something underneath that was holding him back, holding him back from truly being himself with another person. Jackson Avery may be beautiful on the outside, but a storm was raging within him, fear flowed through his veins, he was scared of losing someone again. Scared of attachment. He couldn’t fathom the idea of being rejected again, and so here, pouring his heart out to April Kepner was the hardest thing he could ever do, and somehow April knew this.   
“April, why does that matter now.”  
“Jackson, I love you. I want to be with you. But I also want to know that I can trust all of you, I need to know you. If we get married, your pain is my pain. Your struggles are mine. Your hurt is my hurt. Let me help you,” she held his face in her hands and stared into his sea green eyes. He could see that she only loved him; she truly loved him. This wasn’t a friend asking to help, like she had done to console him with his nightmares after Reed and Charles’ deaths. This was a woman who saw his vulnerability and didn’t run, this was a woman who had her own demons to fight, and here she was willing to put those aside and work on his. There hadn’t been any doubt before, but now he was certain without a shadow of a doubt that this was the woman he wanted to marry. He was looking into the eyes of his wife. No woman would ever look at him the way April Kepner did, with such concern and honesty. She looked through him, past the Avery name, past the handsome façade, and into his soul. In a way he envied her relationship with God and the supernatural, her ability to feel and know about things that she couldn’t see or feel.   
“It’s really difficult for me to talk about,” he coughed, “But when I was eight years old my father left my mother and me. I haven’t heard from him since.” April listened intently to what he was saying. “April, I didn’t mean to hurt you by leaving you. I just thought that because it was such an important day, that it wasn’t fair for me to stay and confuse you. I knew I couldn’t be the man to give you what you deserved.”  
“And what do I deserve?”   
“The world.” Her eyes grew wide as she looked at him, she had never thought of herself as more than ordinary, and here was this incredibly gorgeous man, inside and out, telling her the things she was too scared to think of herself. “You deserve a man who loves you. A man who would stop the world for you. Someone who holds the car door open, someone who washes your underwear, someone who cooks your favorite meal, someone who shows you every single day that he loves you. Someone who knows that he’s lucky, that everyday he should be counting his blessings because he gets the opportunity to wake up to you.”  
“Jackson,” her breathy voice began.  
“I’ve never seen that man. My father left, April,” he started to cry slightly, “What kind of a person would I be if I made you fall in love with me and then I couldn’t be everything you needed. So I left. I thought it would have been easier. But April, there is not a day that went by those whole two months where I didn’t think of you. Where I didn’t think about calling you or hopping on a plane to Seattle and telling you how I felt. And when I saw you with Matthew.”  
“Wait you saw me with Matthew?”   
“Yes. I was coming into Joe’s and I saw you two. And April, I loved you so much that I decided to let you go. You deserved to be happy, so I bowed out of the race. It is my biggest regret.”  
“Jackson, stop beating yourself up. I understand.”  
“April, can you ever forgive me?”  
“Please don’t leave me again.”  
“I would never.”  
“Then yes. Yes I will marry you. I love you Jackson Avery. I always have and I always will.” He was absolutely elated.  
“Me and you.”   
“Me and you.” She smiled as she kissed his lips. 

 

They decided to get married that day, and as soon as their shifts ended they drove to Lake Tahoe since it was only a thirteen hour drive from Seattle and April had always wanted an outdoor wedding with butterflies and mints that said ‘mint to be’. She and Jackson decided not to tell anyone, not even their parents, they were going to elope and they didn’t want anyone’s doubts to affect their decision. She loved him and he loved her, and if they could stay in this marriage together then they would be fine.   
Jackson had been very accommodating and agreed to be married by a minister, although he didn’t have any religious views of his own. While he was finding a minister, April found a white dress to wear, her belly wasn’t showing too badly yet, so it was relatively easy to find something. When she walked down the makeshift aisle, Jackson’s jaw dropped. She looked gorgeous. He had to pinch himself. Just a few short weeks ago he was alone in his apartment in New Orleans thinking about her, drowning himself in his work to try to avoid thinking about everything he could have lost. And now here she was, walking down the aisle, in a few minutes she would become his wife, and in a few short months he would be a father.   
“Do you, Jackson Roger Avery take April Noël Kepner to be your lawfully wedded wife,” the minister asked.  
“I do,” he slide the simple ring with one large ring onto her finger. He had kept the ring in his pocket ever since he decided to come back to Seattle; somehow he knew that he would need it.   
“And do you, April Noël Kepner, take Jackson Roger Avery to be your lawfully wedded husband?”   
“I do.”   
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” Jackson grabbed April, gently, and kissed her. He finally could kiss his wife. He could call her his wife. It was the most surreal feeling in the world. 

Present day 

Catherine Avery was still shocked to hear that her son had gotten married, without even telling her. First he gets April pregnant, with twins nonetheless, and now he went off and married her. Catherine wasn’t mad that he had married April, April was a good girl; the type of woman she had always wanted her son to end up with. But she was angry at the secrecy. In a way, it felt like her son was slipping away from her, and she didn’t want to lose him.   
“Mom, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. We just wanted to keep this to ourselves.”   
“I know, baby. It’s just a lot to take in. April, sweetheart, how’d your parents take it?” Catherine asked April.   
“No better than you, they were not happy. I guess I can say they were fairly shocked, but happy that I actually knew my children’s father.”   
“Wow. Well, I guess this meeting is over then.”   
“I guess it is. Thank you mom. We’ll see you for dinner tonight?”   
“Yes.”   
“Goodbye Dr. Avery,” April said as she left the room, leaving Jackson to say good-bye to his mother.  
“Don’t you dare leave her, that girl does not deserve it. You’ve committed yourself to her Jackson Avery, and I’m not sure you’re ready to be someone’s husband yet.”   
“It’s a little too late for that. April is my wife and I am her husband, and I’m going to be a father. It’s time I grow up. I can’t be your baby boy forever.”  
“I know that Jackson, I’m just afraid that you’re getting yourself into a situation that you don’t know anything about. You’re going into this blind. And you actually love her, your father and I never loved each other. You will never be the same if it doesn’t work.”  
“Maybe I don’t want to be the same. April has changed me mom, she’s everything to me. She is like coming up for fresh air. And if I lose her, then I deserve to feel that pain.” And with that he left his mother standing in the conference room. April was his wife. Whether he was completely ready to be her husband was to be determined, but like most things in his life, Jackson Avery was going to take this one step at a time.

One month later   
“Jackson,” April called from the bathroom of their apartment, while he was just about to leave, “My appointment’s at 1:00, can you make it?”   
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”   
April sat on the exam table, belly bare to the world, Jackson had texted her that he’d be a bit late. To her surprise Arizona Robbins came in.  
“Robbins? I thought Dr. Keller was my doctor?”   
“Yes, but I’m studying fetal surgery under her, and she said it would be a good idea to do some ultra sounds. If you’re uncomfortable, I can certainly go get Dr. Keller.”   
“No, no it’s fine! We’re friends, you’re going to be one of the God mother’s so you should see them.” Arizona was completely touched; she and April had grown so close to one another in the past few months. She was one of the few people she could talk to about her injury without feeling guilty, and even so she hated to unload on April while she was pregnant with twins. “But please don’t tell me the sex, Jackson and I want it to be a surprise.”  
“Okay. Well let’s get started,” she put the ultra sound probe on April’s abdomen, “Baby A looks great, getting big. And okay, here’s baby B. Aww how cute, he looks like a little Buddha.”   
“Yeah, he does. Doesn’t he? He was like that last time.” April was happy talking about her son. “Wait he. You said he?”  
“Eh no I didn’t?”  
“Yes you did! Arizona!”   
“Oh no! No, I’m so sorry! But did you say last time he looked like this?” Before April could even answer the question Jackson came into the room, kissed her forehead, and asked if there was anything new.  
“Nope, they’re still the same. And Baby B still looks like Buddha.”   
“Must be the quiet twin. Well I better get going, I have a patient, text me the pictures?”   
“Will do,” she smiled at her husband.   
“April, I want to look at your ultra sound more closely.”   
“Robbins, I’d love to. But I have patients to get to. You still owe me for spoiling baby B’s sex!” Kepner joked as she put her scrub top back on and headed back down to the pit. 

Dr. Robbins tried to get the images out of her mind of April Kepner’s ultra sound.   
“Dr. Keller, can you look at this?”   
“Sure Robbins, what is it?”   
“A patient’s ultra sound, what do you think is showing?”  
“Well you tell me?”  
“The second baby looks to have osteogenesis imperfecta, a genetic defect that leads to brittle bones. This looks to be type two or three. Is there anything we can do?”  
“Robbins, is this a friend of yours?”   
“Yes.”  
“Tell her I’m very sorry. But in most cases this is fatal. The baby will likely live a very short and painful life. But it looks so cute, like a little Buddha.” Jackson Avery had just gotten off the elevator and heard the entire thing.   
“Arizona, what was that about?” The fear was screaming from his eyes and Arizona froze in her tracks. How could she tell Jackson? How could she have been too afraid to tell April? She didn’t want to burst their happy, newlywed bubble.   
“Jackson, Baby B may have osteogenesis imperfecta, likely type two or three. But I can’t know for sure until I run some tests.”   
“Does April know?”  
“No.”  
“Oh my God,” he covered his hands with his mouth. How on earth was he going to tell his wife that their baby was going to die? She would break into a million pieces. “Thank you, I’ll tell her.” He managed to say. The twenty minutes it took him to find his wife, felt like the longest in the world. And when he finally did find her, he saw her bubbly smile and bouncy red curls, she seemed so happy. He watched her for a minute; he wanted to watch that happiness, just for a little while longer.   
“April,” he slowly started. She knew. She knew what he was going to tell her wasn’t good, and she didn’t want to hear it.  
“No. Jackson, don’t say it.”   
“There’s something wrong with Baby B. April, I’m so sorry.” She didn’t even look at him, she ran out of the supply closet that he had pulled her into.   
“I have to get back to work.” And with that, April kept on with her day, she was a solider, she could get through this storm. But Jackson had been left behind, she was so afraid of him losing her, that he never thought of what would happen if she left him. And he punched the wall in frustration. He was helpless. The feeling was maddening.


End file.
